2008 has been a year full of love, laughter, tears, illness, childbirth, worry/upset, hard-work, sadness and shock.
Love has always been a pretty easy thing for me to give and I have always got back much love from the people I care most about, for that I thank you immensely, you know who you are.
I love to laugh. I didn`t for many years due to the depression that raped me of life, confidence, faith, happiness and hope, I am able to laugh very much now in my fulfilled life.
Tears can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I have had my fair share of tears over my life and this year has been one of happy tears and one of much sadness (one of them being the death of our dog, Jez), I guess when tears are for sadness and pain, coping is the only way to deal with them when they knock at your door. For tears of joy, embrace them and enjoy the moment.
Illness was pretty prominent for my family in the earlier part of the year. My girls and I obtained “whooping cough”. It was an upsetting, frustrating, painful and exhausting experience being a parent looking after the girls and also dealing with it myself as a pregnant woman with back/neck problems/sciatica (as with the other pregnancies) as I carried dear Zeth.
The coughing was so violent that I ended up cracking a rib (an extremely painful ordeal and it took many weeks to heal. I couldn`t sleep in my bed for over a couple of weeks, couldn`t sing for at least 2 months and fretted that I would never be able to sing again). I still have twinges of pain in my rib area where the damage was done.
I worried endlessly that Zeth could also come down with whooping cough (newborns who get whooping cough can, and do die).
Zeth didn`t get it but he did have terrible bronchitis that struck early in his little life. He needed a vapouriser to help him breath and have a more rested sleep. We didn`t get much sleep for weeks.
We had colds that moved their way about in the family too.
Childbirth is an extremely painful ordeal at the best of times and having Zeth as my third and final bub was no exception, but like anything that is beautiful, fulfilling and amazing, Zeth is another wonderful gift in our family. Zeth initially was a surprise for us (we found out about him on our holiday in Holland in August 2007) in entering this world, he is so meant to be and is an integral part of our lives, like our girls.
He was conceived into this world in the thick of music, present in the womb of my recording process of “Fire & Snow” and still is at the nucleus of the beauty of song.
Just beautiful.
Hard work (and I really don`t like to call it “work” as music is in my breath, my skin, my blood, my soul, I need it to survive) time, passion and dedication have been key factors in rehearsing, performing, song-writing and moving forward from “Fire & Snow”. I will continue to do so, music is a journey of destiny for me.
Music is very rewarding in many ways but it can be very soul destroying too. I have seen and felt both sides of the music coin. It takes alot of time and patience to find the right people (especially for my type of music) with enough time, dedication and talent to disperse into this project. We are still in our quest of trying to find band members and although its a seemingly endless battle, we endeavour to carry on as this project is too important and powerful for the world not to be offered.
I have been let down in my life many time and this year has again been no exception, musically and personally.
Life is a roller-coaster and injects many feelings, opinions and standards that are expressed over time.
Life doesn`t always offer a “good-hearted”, genuine person into our lives and most recently I faced a hard trial that has pushed my buttons (yet again) and made me less faithful in humanity. I can`t give any details and I can`t be as honest as I normally am, and in some ways really should/could be in this blog, so you`ll have to just read these words and hear whatever rings true to you all.
In all though I must retain a healthy balance of keeping some barriers up around me without becoming a fortress, to share the “niceness” about me but not get tainted by feeling a need to become “hard” and uncaring when being a part of, retaining or achieving something, which isn`t the type of person I am. To remain wise and use my instinct (although sometimes it can be so wrong and what a painful lesson this can be) with each and every person/situation and that we all can`t be tarred with the same brush. That every one deserves a chance and as long as the chances that are given aren`t taken for granted, then just learn to roll with any punches.
I put much care, love, trust, attention and chances into a friendship that was then demolished into a million sharp pieces. At this time I feel no desire to find “friendship” again and my faith has been destroyed in people, for now. I`m sure that with healing, time, love and understanding for the lessons I have learned (and still trying to find and decipher) I will shine again and prove that no matter how bad a situation, that all goodness prevails, there will always be goodness in me, nothing and no-one can destroy that.
A beautiful friendship can sweep you into its wavy coils like a whirlwind romance but be destroyed and irrepairable, forever.
Among the lessons I have learned, I know more of how I can be a better, more trusting (funnily enough), more loving and understanding Mother, wife, friend, daughter and human being, and for those attributes that I already had, and achieved more of, I am very appreciative.From all of this, I will continue to write the only way I know how, from the heart with much emotion, expression and power.
I have also learned that a little girl can not save the world…
“Its been a long, long hard road to find. I`ve been running up the streets, and watching daylight stand. Miles and miles away from me, and now its pouring over me, and you too. ain`t it good, ain`t it good, to be alive!”
Love you all, have a beautiful New Year and take what you have received with love and dsiperse it into your lives like a rainbow. XXX
written by Mandyleigh
\\ tags: 2008, bronchitis, childbirth, cracked rib, depression, fire and snow, girls, hard-work, illness, laughter, Love, sadness, tears, trust, whooping cough, zeth
