A Midlife Glow Up: The Divine Resurrection of a Woman

They call it a glow up.

But for many women in midlife, it is not a makeover.

It is a resurrection.

For me, this resurrection has been complicated by something I carried most of my life.

I was taught that as a woman, I was responsible for the way men perceived me.

Responsible for their thoughts.

Responsible for their reactions.

Responsible even for their lust.

If a man looked at a woman and felt something sinful, somehow the blame found its way back to her.

What she wore.

How she moved.

Whether she was drawing attention.

I carried that message for years.

And it showed up in places you might not expect.

Even football games.

The Argument That Followed Me My Whole Life

Growing up, my father and I had the same argument over and over again during football games.

It was always about the cheerleaders.

He would watch them and shake his head, condemning the way they dressed and moved.

To him, it was inappropriate.

To me, it was confusing. A double standard. 

Because right there on the field were men wearing skin tight uniforms that showed every muscle in their bodies.

I remember asking him once,

“So it’s wrong for them to move their bodies like that, and to wear what they are wearing –– but it’s fine for the men to wear tight clothing that shows everything?”

His answer was always the same.

“That’s necessary for the sport.”

And I would fire back,

“Well have you ever tried cheering in a tent down to your ankles? It doesn’t work very well.”

I knew this because I had lived it.

At my Christian school, our cheerleading uniforms were basically tarps. Heavy, awkward things designed more to hide our bodies than allow us to move.

Cheering in them was almost impossible.

Eventually my squad pushed back. We advocated for uniforms that actually allowed us to move properly.

And we got them.

But the debate around the female body never really left.

The Weight Women Are Taught to Carry

Many women grow up carrying an unspoken responsibility.

We are told that we must manage the reactions of men.

That the way we dress, move, or express ourselves could cause someone to stumble.

But here is the truth that took me years to say out loud.

A woman’s body does not cause a man to sin.

A woman’s clothing does not cause a man to violate someone.

His lust and his actions belong to him.

Women have carried the blame for male behavior for far too long.

And it is time to put that burden back where it belongs. We are all responsible for our own behavior and our own reactions and responses. 

The Moment Everything Came Full Circle

Last year on my birthday, I went to an NFL football game.

As I watched the cheerleaders on the field, something unexpected happened.

A memory rose up from all those arguments with my father years before.

But instead of anger, I felt clarity.

Those girls weren’t doing anything wrong.

They were moving their bodies.

Expressing joy.

Encouraging the team.

Being athletic.

Being alive.

And suddenly it hit me.

For so many years, women have been taught to treat their bodies like a problem to manage rather than a life to inhabit.

But My Story Did Not End There

Watching those cheerleaders last year reminded me of something deeper in my own journey.

Because the truth is, I had already lived through another season where shame tried to silence my femininity.

In 2006, after more than a decade in the commercial sex industry, I returned to church.

I thought I was coming home to healing.

And in some ways I was.

But along with grace, something else was placed on my shoulders again.

Shame.

I was taught to cover up.

Hide my body.

Tone down my femininity.

Do not be bold.

Do not be visible.

Do not draw attention.

The message was familiar.

Make yourself small.

Protect men from your presence.

Carry responsibility for how others perceive you.

So I did what many women do. I tried to comply.

More covering up.

More shrinking.

More hiding my feminine expression.

But somewhere deep inside, something in me resisted.

Quietly.

I could never shake the sense that God had not created women to live like ghosts inside their own bodies.

The Pendulum Swing

When something natural is suppressed long enough, it rarely disappears.

It swings.

And that is exactly what happened in my life.

Because I had never been taught how to integrate my femininity in a healthy, redeemed way, the pressure eventually created pendulum swings in my behavior around sexuality and expression.

Sometimes suppression.

Sometimes rebellion.

Sometimes distorted relationships.

Sometimes unhealthy choices.

This is what happens when shame becomes the teacher instead of wisdom.

You do not learn integration.

You learn extremes.

The Healing That Changed Everything

But this last season of my life has been different.

This glow up was not about appearance. It was not about attention or vanity. 

It was about integration.

I went on a deep healing journey that involved my nervous system, my spirituality, and my understanding of what it means to live fully as a woman created by God.

And something beautiful happened.

Instead of suppressing my feminine expression or letting it spiral into distortion, I learned how to bring it under the redemption of Jesus. I learned that it was a beautiful, sacred gift given to me by my loving Creator and that it was not a source of shame. It was a source of sacred worship. So I learned how to express it.

Not hiding it.

Not exploiting it.

Redeeming it.

Purifying it.

Integrating it.

Today I carry no shame about my body.

None.

I live fully in the skin God gave me.

My feminine expression is no longer something I suppress or something I weaponize.

It is simply part of who I am. It is the way God made me and it is beautiful and worthy of freedom of expression. 

And if that makes people uncomfortable, that conversation is between them and God.

The Invitation for Women

Ladies, it is time.

Time to stop apologizing for inhabiting the bodies God gave us.

Time to release the shame we were handed.

Time to step out of the shrinking.

Jesus did not die so women could live hidden, fearful, and disconnected from themselves.

He died to set us free.

Spirit.

Soul.

AND BODY!! 

So maybe what the world calls a glow up is actually something far more sacred.

Maybe it is the moment a woman stops hiding and finally lets her wild feminine life rise again.

And that, my friends, is not vanity.

That is resurrection.

XOXO,

Mandy Leigh

PS - If this resonated with you, then Align & Flow is for you. It is time to reclaim your Wild Feminine Freedom and glow up into your own personal resurrection. It is time to take back the body!! 

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